“Look! No Hands!”

During the ride home on my usual route today, I was struck with a pang of jealousy and shame. On this one stretch of bike path, there were at least a half-dozen bike riders not using the handlebars, most of whom were able to PASS me going downhill.

I don’t pretend to have a good sense of balance; I dance ballet and figure skate competitively. But whenever I try just lifting my hands a fraction of an inch above the handlebars, something along the lines of THIS epic mistake brought to you by Youtube happens.


What’s the DEAL!? I must have missed some invaluable lesson in my elementary bike riding lessons as a child.

Now, UNFORTUNATELY, according to Colorado State Law, riding without using your hands is ILLEGAL.
Here's the actual law itself:

"7. A person operating a bicycle or electrical assisted bicycle shall keep at least one hand on the handlebars at all times." [See Official Website]

Who knew? Well, it seems there were even MORE people like me who had nasty accidents on their bikes that lead to this law being put in place.

Now, there is a loophole in this law that brings me to a slightly more befuddling issue:
Biking while using a cellphone.
TECHNICALLY, there are no laws (YET) that prohibit one from using a cellphone while biking (since you can still bike with at LEAST one hand).

You may be asking, "Why would they need to make one? Only complete idiots talk on cellphones while operating heavy machinery that could kill people in an instant."

You'd be surprised just how many of them there are.

Just a year ago I was walking by the Physics building on CU campus when I saw (you ready for this?) a guy talking excitedly on his cellphone, riding a bike with one hand and not wearing a helmet. Perhaps it was the spirit of the Physics building that gave me insight into the inevitable, but the scene that unfolded was exactly as I predicted it:


Rider + bike + cellphone - hand + TREE =


He went RIGHT over the handlebars and into the tree. Then, MIRACULOUSLY he rolls over and gets up, leaving his bike mangled against the tree, still yapping away on his cellphone like nothing happened at all.

Oh I'd give ANYTHING to tell you this story was completely made up just to prove a point. But no, the situation lent itself quite splendidly to the cause, and I was finally given the opportunity to tell it in an effective context.

Am I advocating for anti-cellphone biking laws? I would really prefer it to NOT come to that point where a law NEEDS to be made. I am merely stating some facts that I sincerely hope all of you intelligent people out there will take to heart and share with the world.

Seriously, riding a bike without hands (and without a helmet) is illegal and dangerous! Everyone stay safe out there!

^_^