Friday, July 30, 2010

What's a Trodheim


Site your source and don’t use wikipedia, check out where I ascertained my facts: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/15/the-8-best-bike-friendly_n_648233.html#s114485

Well Europe you’ve done it again. In my weekly perusing of the internet, I discovered Boulder did not make the “World’s 8 Best” bicycle friendly cities list. Shamefully, we were beat out by a bunch of fancy Europeans, with their chic socialist cloths, and tightly rolled cigarettes. Now, now, pick your chin up Schleck. Unfortunately we came up short this year, but if we keep our heads on a swivel and play an offensive game, Boulder may be in the running next summer. To give us the edge, we shall take notes from cities like Bogota, Trondheim, and Amsterdam, all communities committed to rad ideas worth adopting.

First let’s visit Columbia, where cyclovia originated, a popular movement rolling across the world. In Bogota everyone rides, personal vehicles remain scarcer than a polar bear on Palin’s property. The bicycle programs lack the smug Euro-freshness, but the cyclist reigns supreme.

Each week in Bogota the city closes miles of roadways and bans cars from travel. I heard a rumor cyclovia’s coming to Boulder, and if confirmed we’ll surely catch the eyes of next years Top 8 Cities Committee (whoever these people are.)

Oslo, nice job Norway; your fare city of Trodheim impressed me more than your jagged fjords, tasty halibut, and uncanny resemblance to Vikings. Trodheim devised a solution for navigating bicycles through hilly and mountainous cities. A cyclist merely slides their foot onto the track and glides upward, all while never getting off the saddle. It tickles me imagining a downhill world; it’s my new counterpoint against people who believe the bicycle will never be America’s primary form of transportation (an argument I refine daily.)

I’m inspired when cities like Amsterdam boast over 50% cyclist rates. Wonder if Boulderites parked their Subaru’s and adopted a stricter cycling routine? People in Amsterdam must breathe a kinder air; since their infrastructure caters to bicycles, parking garages facilitate 20,000 wheels, and the laws on our (the riders) side.

Hopefully Boulder city planners continue adding paths and bike lanes, helping close the cyclist to driver gap. However, it all depends on community support; so remember, friends don’t let friend drive cars.

If our momentum continues forward and our chain doesn’t slip, (sorry, another bad jab at Schleck) we’re likely to join the club. I’ll cherish the day my eyes meet a flowing, traffic sea of cyclists. Fortunately, we have the infrastructure, and our cities onboard; we just need to maintain support. Like truing a wheel, tiny adjustments and gradually the wheel recovers center. Our city, like the wheel, must constantly refocus and find effective ways of integrating bicycles, for god’s sake we have a Huffington Post Poll on the line, oh…and a chance to be Euro-fresh.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Urban Assault Ride


Yes, the time has finally come again for the Urban Assault Ride. Let's keep it short and sweet:

What is the Urban Assault Ride, you ask? Well, it's a country-wide allycat race open to riders of all types (whereas traditional allycats are fixie-only), and it's coming to Denver this Friday.

There will be checkpoints, bike-polo, obstacle courses, and lots and lots of refreshment. The finish line is essentially a huge party, with bike raffles and crazy getups like you've never seen before. Visit the website and view the "Disaster Policy", answering the question, "If an act of God/Terrorism/Community Disaster occurs, what actions are taken?". Yes, this race has everything.

Although a bit pricey to enter with a fee of $120, the event is heavily-sponsored by New Belgium. Families are welcome, so get your team together...still just barely not too late to register!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Yinze from Cransberry?

The other day as I lay napping, I heard a cyclist in peril. You see, his chain jammed between the hub and freewheel, and I, the bike mechanic, thought it was an easy fix. Unfortunately, I conjured no way of releasing the links. I pried and prayed but nothing budged. How could such simple transportation betray ones trust?

Upon further inquisition, I deduced a Yinzer (Pittsburgh) background, and immediately extended a helping hand. I agreed that he must arrive at his destination (his wife’s boss’s barbeque.) My only reasonable solution became offering my bicycle on loan.

For anyone who knows me, I value my 1987 Diamondback Topanga similarly to how Cameron’s Dad venerates his Ferrari 250 GT California. Yet something persuaded me to trust a stranger. So, I went back to my garage and retrieved my precious. I assured him that he wasn’t imposing, and that people in Boulder genuinely help their neighbors. While he rode away, I realized I obtained nothing more than his name and an assurance he would return the bike at 8:10 A.M. the next morning.

As 8:20 turned the dial, a car rounded the corner. It was Greg, the person I helped but a few hours earlier. He thanked me for my deed, while complimenting Topanga’s exceptional performance. He explained his move from NYC to Boulder, and how pleased he was with our bicycle culture. Greg never expected a hippy in a hammock to save his day, but that’s what Boulder can be, a community of caring cyclists.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Stand Up, Identify

In his new book, the NYC Bike Snob classifies cyclist into various categories and subcategories. I highly recommend the read, so I decided to get in the Charles Linnaeus mindset and hash out Boulders top 5 rider types. http://www.amazon.com/Bike-Snob-Systematically-Mercilessly-Realigning/dp/0811869989

The Townie rider operates as a pragmatist. He or she generally cruises a Frankenstein bicycle, with components scrapped together from junk yards, garage sales, and backyard beaters. Their bicycle squeaks, and requires new bearings and a bottom bracket overhaul. Most avoid maintenance like the plague, but re-patch tubes every week. They’re dedicated riders who sold their cars out of necessity, only to develop a love affair with a twenty year old bicycle. Don’t offer them suggestions, these people know what they want and refuse change like a staunch conservative in November.

The Skier Rider owns four dual suspension mountain bike and eleven pairs of 120mm powder skis. They’re only riding a bicycle because it isn’t ski season. They live for the downhill sensation, but avoid climbing by seeking shuttle runs. The Skiers’ bat sh*t crazy, love hitting kickers and rock gardens, yet complain all the way to ski season. Many refuse to exert extra energy, never riding to the trailhead. These riders love wearing clips; because it reminds them of their Tyrolia Peak 12 bindings. They know little about bicycle maintenance, but pretend to tune their derailleur (messing it up further.) The Skier Rider remains a fun companion, but don’t expect to see them in the fall or spring.

Vultures in Spandex, or Roadies, barely socialize and cling to delusion of winning the Tour… someday. In reality, they live as middle aged men escaping from their nagging wives. They generally work in tall buildings and dream of upper management positions. They ride in the earlier morning or late evening, and always on the weekends. Their derailleur runs steeper than Everest, and they swear by carbon everything. They enjoy spandex more than one should, and may be fans of the cod piece fashion accessory. Their outfits support an illusion of sponsorship, and give loved ones an easy birthday gift idea. These riders have focused attention spans and can ride for days. Walk away slowly if they begin discussing Dura-ace, and remember don’t make eye contact with a vulture.

The Hipster rides their fixed gear bicycle, while dressing the part. They drink more coffee than Juan Valdez and complain about everything. Their pants barely fit and their handle bars come just as tight. Most avoid long distances, due to fear of sweating, while others engage in skid tricks. Hipsters love Chicago and NYC but don’t necessarily know anything about the cities. The majority care about looks alone, possessing tremendous style. They love contrasting colors and frequent poetry readings in the city. Some wear messenger bags to carry their diary and vintage books. They all may migrate to South America in search of more coffee, so if you see a hipster, point them south.

The Addict rider rides. He or She lives to pedal and pedals to live. They’re on the earth because bicycles exist. They ride roadies, townies, hard tails, single speeds, and 8 and 8’s. They never bus or drive, crush snowy days, and always wear a wide smile. They consider their bicycles life partners. One will never hear an Addict hate on another bike; instead, they scrounge 50 dollars to buy and restore the rust-bucket. The Addict always maintains his or her fleet, working as a mechanic or another bicycle related gig. These characters carry tools, stopping to help you with your flat, while reminding us why bicyclist rock. The Addict becomes grumpy without their daily ride. Their temperament depends on miles traveled, so make sure you catch them on a century day.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Umm...what?? Hand signaling. That's what.

So the other day I was biking down Moorhead in the bike lane, of course. There was a fully-spandexed dude in front of me and we were both hauling it. Suddenly, a car appeared from a street just behind us. The spandex-man glanced over his shoulder, and then proceeded to stick random combinations of elbows and hands in the air, fist-pumping and generally making a commotion. The car behind us began to creep along more slowly, and spandex-man hung a sharp right to disappear down the next street. Suddenly, it hit me: spandex-man, with his Hokey Pokey, was totally and helplessly confused about his hand signals.


Then it hit me again: even if he had gotten them right, I (as well as the driver of the car behind us) would probably have not really known what he was up to anyway! I mean seriously...who really uses traditional hand signals for cycling anymore? The guesture for stop and the one for turning right are so similar...and everything's done with the left hand, to make things even more confusing. Actually I'm not even sure about that one...I promised myself I wouldn't look anything up.


Let's get to the point: JUST POINT!


Seriously...it'd be much, much safer if all of you oldies (but still goodies) would adapt to the less-traditional, yet highly effective system of pointing in the direction that you're turning, with the corresponding arm to the turn when possible.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

A Simple Selection

Townie

Ode to the bicycle
Our two wheels
Steel
Rolling trailer out
Way past, here,
Gone there, skid that
Hipster
Not Kids only
For awhile
After on.
Your left.


Opposite Reverse

Dance pedals
Wrench lose
Fifteen
Millimeter not standard
Who do you turn to
Right
Opposite crank


Morning Park

Chalky soil wet
Dewy meadow down below
Daylight saves the fall

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

A Good Read (For Conspiracy Theorists): Autokind vs. Mankind

Well, so it's summertime, and summertime is good for catching up on some good reading.

A while back I read this book, Autokind vs. Mankind, by Kenneth Schneider (can't find the press information, so here's the book on Amazon), which really opened my eyes to a lot of conspiratorial views of the automobile industry. I'd already sold my car and whole-heartedly knew the benefits of a car-free lifestyle (cah-CHING!), so there wasn't much news on that front.

According to Schneider, for a little over a century now, we have been living under the strengthening tyranny of the automobile industry. This industry, originally created by a few automobile companies, now encompasses a nearly complete cultural following (I don't have to tell my car-free compatriots of the persistent counter-cultural stigma we enjoy), to the point where the moment the basic business-model of automobility was faltering, the government steps in with a multi-billion dollar fiscal bailout.

This book was damn dry at points, but after pushing through, my belief in my car-free lifestyle was reinvigorated and re-inspired. Now on to other great reads...