the weight of guilt

This will be a bit of a confessional, so bear with me as I unload my guilt.

I often pride myself on being well-versed in the ways of traffic laws and bike-car relations. Yet I sometimes run red lights. Sometimes stop signs. I always get upset when car drivers cut me off. In these instances, I start yelling, ranting, raving, and foaming at the mouth about what idiots they are for not understanding traffic laws and for putting me at risk through their ignorance or refusal to follow these rules.

I'm feeling now like a hypocrite.

Months ago, while on a short bicycle tour, I ran a red light. It was a small side street, and I checked to be sure no cars were coming. So I rationalized it away, and rolled on through. When the light I had just run finally turned green, a woman in a car pulled up next to me, rolled down her window, and called me out on breaking the rules. "If you want to be on the streets, you've got to follow the rules like everybody else," she told me. My pride hurt, I wanted to fight back, to somehow make her wrong and me right, but in the end, I had to face it: she was right.

Just last night, I had a similar experience. Riding home along Folsom, I approached a fellow cyclist, who was waiting at the red light. Rather than stop, I passed him and zipped on through, the light turning green when I was about 3/4 of the way through the intersection. Thinking nothing of it, the cyclist soon caught up with me and asked me to not run red lights, especially when cars are present (which they were), because it gives cyclists a bad name. Again, my pride hurt, I began arguing with him, attempting to somehow twist the facts and place me in the right and he in the wrong. I was a real jerk. A punk.

So, first off, to that cyclist that I fought with: I apologize. Second off, and the main point here, cycling responsibly really is important for the cycling community. It not only allows us to ride safer (which in the long run provides the confidence to ride faster and harder), but it also presents a face of unified and responsible legitimacy to the rest of society. I know I'm definitely guilty of irresponsible biking from time to time (and I hope this confession will absolve me of my guilt), but trust me, in the long run it's best to simply avoid these problems by riding responsibly, because if nothing else, it hurts when that old lady in the Buick calls us out and we're forced to admit she's right.