Flats

This post will not be about what type of flat an individual receives, but how the person subsequently acts. With the year anniversary of my working at the CU Bike Station quietly come and gone; the most important concept I can relay to my readers is the strong relationship between how a person reacts to a flat and who they are as a person. Below are some examples….

God Hates Me
This person is immediately recognizable when walking toward the Bike Station. You have seen this individual three times in as many days and as they meander in your general direction you notice they have yet another flat. This person is an obvious proponent of fate. In their case, fate is everything that puts them down and once again it has struck on the way to school. No, the cause is not from the individual’s immensely frayed sidewalls but simply that someone or something did not want this person happy that day. Their submissive outlook on life will be continued through yet another patch job and another lecture on buying a new tire. Only to be yet again foiled by fate, or, the omnipresent glass on the hill… Yes, Indeed a very sad existence.

Conspiracy Theorist
It is more difficult to label this person but they are clearly identifiable with the first sounds mumbled from their mouths. They walk ever nearer, imposing the imminent inner tube change, moving closer and closer until you are not sure how comfortable you actually are. Then when your first step back is ready to be taken, the conspiracy theorist still approaching is made evident. The following words are usually whispered, “someone” deflated my back tire while I was in class, I know it was “someone” else because I saw more like mine on the way here. I think “someone’s” going around campus, you should really watch out.” Let’s dissect this quote. Firstly this individual either has a slow leak or a negative temperature change has occurred while they were in class. By class, they mean they just ended their five-hour stint in Norlin researching the Bush Administration’s use of satellites and phone tapping. Then, when they were fully convinced satellites were marking their every move in life, they furtively exited the library and found the flat tire. The immediate idea that the government, also known as “someone” was deflating their tires was then reaffirmed on their walk over to the bike station. Obviously, the government planned to send them to the bike station, where the employees are yet another tool in their constant surveillance system. Eventually, after trust is never achieved, they are sent on their way to be watched all the way home.

Everything is going to be Okay. Everything is Going to be Okay.
The approach to my proximity is for the most part normal, however upon close inspection of the facial region, evidence of recent tears can be seen. With their voice barely audible and cracking every other word into hysteria, they acknowledge that their tire is not in fact filled with air. The same tone of voice would be more suited for the announcement that Sarah Palin had recently wrestled and killed half of congress before Watson, the super computer, ended the massacre. After this dreadful announcement is made, they query if their trusty steed will ever be the same again. My response, is that yes, we can channel some sort of higher power to remedy your manner of transport. The response to my statement is uniform. Fresh tears, this time from happiness appear. Life as they know it has been saved by none other than myself. After a tube change experience filled with awe, more tears, and a great sense of self-fulfillment, they are then sent on their merry way.


This is all for now, check back later for a second installment of three more characters I frequently find at the Bike Station. In the meantime think about your reaction to a flat tire and ultimately, who you are as a person.