Pathletes on the Prowl

Pathlete: An individual, normally a dirc if not dircish, who employs multi-use paths as an area to demonstrate athletic prowess.

The multi-use paths are a gift to Boulder residents as a place where anyone can exercise without the distraction or noise pollution of combustible engines. These sanctuaries from murderous four wheeled machines, in the opinion of myself, are taken for granted by many of the residents in Boulder. It should be noted that there is both an unwritten list of rules that pertains to bike paths and that certain actions should not be tolerated by the Republic of Boulder. With the introduction of this school year, the current rate of pathletes in the Boulder area is increasing at an exponential rate. It may be that the incoming freshman class is full of pathletes waiting to destroy the sanctity of the paths, or, the community as a whole needs to re-evaluate the unwritten, soon to be written, rules of the bike path. These rules vary from different bike types and ultimately must be handled on a personal basis.

Mountain Bikes

- Individuals who choose to ride knobby tires must abide by the following rules.

- 1. Just because it is possible to pop a wheelie etc. on the side of the trail does not make it necessary to jump off the side and land on small to larger dogs.

2. Trials riding is not allowed on the bike path (the intensity is too much for the of the public of the path).

3. Getting Stoked (a level of high enthusiasm usually resulting in copious fist pumping) should be limited to a minimum on the path.

Road Bikes

- A woman or man whose clothing of choice is tight lycra

1. Small ring only!! It is not necessary to hammer (goin fast) on the bike path

2. If you choose to play three sports in one, do not go into you aero bars on the path. Cow horns only.

3. The path is not for intervals, no training should be accumulated on the path.

4. The ability to go fast on the road does not mean you are a race car driver. Stick to your lane and not the apex.

Runners

- People who instead of using continuous tread, alternate rubber tread to the left and right side of the body.

1. Keep the headphone volume to a minimum, its good to have your senses open to what’s around you

2. Be weary of your knees. Buy a bicycle.

Recumbent/Lone wolves

- Keep your flag flying and stick to your thing

Proper technique to avoid Pathetes

1. Beware of all Tri-Athletes, they are not to be trusted on the path.

2. Have a bell at the ready for distracted runners and lycra clad roadies. If the bell doesn't work, emergency evacuation may be necessary.

3. While merging onto the path, look both ways and avoid boarding on blind spots.

4. Good Luck!

Abide by these rules and your inner pathlete will be suppressed.